Retroactive Jealousy
Retroactive jealousy is a seldom acknowledged problem that nevertheless effects many relationships. Essentially, this form of jealousy is when you are envious of your partner's previous partners. This may be everything from you dwelling over the fact that a former partner had a better paying job than you, to thinking that the former partner was more physically attractive. Believe it or not, retroactive jealousy is something that disturbs both men and women. There are ways to overcome these feelings, however. Here are a few tips on how to do just that.
The most important step to solving retroactive jealousy is to acknowledge that this isn't a problem that's caused by your partner, nor is it a problem stemming from your partner's other relationships. What many don't realize is that the true root of the conflict is that you are insecure and afraid, and in engaging in retroactive jealousy, you are projecting these feelings onto your partner.
Unfortunately, shedding your jealousy may not always be easy, especially if your partner's former partner still affects your life somehow, such as through joint custody of your children. In many cases, you may feel chagrined that your partner once intimately dated someone you knew. However, it's important to remember that your partner's past needn't affect your present relationship.
You can begin to examine your feelings of jealousy by discussing them at length with your partner. Let him or her know how you feel. Discussing your problems before they begin to fester is an important part of any relationship, and your envious inclinations should be no exception. If needed, you may wish to include a relationship counselor as well. Contrary to popular belief, a relationship counselor is not solely there to break up conflict. He or she will be able to give both of you very good advice on how to deal with these emotions. Best of all, there will be no secrets and no hidden grudges.
Another important part of putting your feelings of jealousy behind you is to examine yourself. Do you feel insecure in the knowledge that your partner once dated other people? Rather than endlessly comparing your physical appearance, paycheck, or other attributes to your partner's past relationships, try to remember the positive attributes that your partner so adores about you. Doing so well help root you in the present as well.
Finally, if your low self-esteem is causing your feelings of retroactive jealousy to flare up, try looking at the negative parts of yourself from a distance. Is there any way to boost your confidence and improve yourself? If so, take matters to do so. If your insecurities are unsolvable, do your best to put them behind you. No one is perfect, after all, and your current partner hardly expects you to be flawless. Learn more today!